The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
