Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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