There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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