For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
