Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
