I accidentally had phone sex last night
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
