ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
