these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
