Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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