yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
