Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
