Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
