I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
