do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
