i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i dont even know how to be here
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
