his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
