we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
