Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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