Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
