new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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