Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
