Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
