I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
