I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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