apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
