I think i sorta joined a cult last night
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
