The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
