Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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