In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
