I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
