I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
