And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i barfeds in our rink
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
