this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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