You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
