Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
