On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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