This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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