My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
