I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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