Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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