you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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