If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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