Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
