Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
