this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
