I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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