the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you traded sex for a burrito?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
