Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
BRING THE BAGELS
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
