I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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