just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
